February 11, 2012

Sharing Saturday - Reader's Questions

Yay!  It's time for a Sharing Saturday!  The last one was so fun and you guys shared so many great ideas and tips.  This time we have a couple reader questions.  So read the questions, and tell them what you know in the comment section.

1) from a reader named Laurie:

My toddler {she's 2.5} gets upset when she can't get her way. {what toddler doesn't?} The problem is not with her being upset but with how she expresses her anger. She hits, kicks, punches people {me especially} and throws all her toys on the floor {and at our TV!} There is no calming her down! {at least not anything I have tried has worked} I have tried to give her other options {I have read to let them take it out on playdoh, breathing exercises, clapping hands...etc} but she isn't feeling it. I'd love some suggestions on how to calm her down or avert her anger in non harmful ways. 



2) from a reader named Michelle:

My husband and I have a queen-sized bed.  He steals the covers and moves around a lot at night.  That often means a poor night's sleep for me.  Does anyone have any tips (other than sleeping in separate beds) to help?  Does anyone else share this problem?  


3) and just because I think it would be fun to hear your answers....

What is something you never done before, that you want to do in your lifetime?



Thanks for reading.  I'm excited to hear your answers.

72 comments:

  1. Regarding question #2: This is something we deal with a lot. I've just had to adjust to the fact that my husband moves a lot. When we have more money, we may well get a king-sized bed or try out different mattresses that don't move much. But, in the meantime, the best suggestion I have is to GET YOUR OWN BLANKETS! I've always kept one blanket on the bed that is just mine and, especially in the summer, that's plenty. I don't have to worry at all about what hubby's doing, because I'm snuggled up, warm, underneath my own cover. I love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I second that. The hubs and I use separate blankets mainly in the winter...he uses one thin one and I use two thick ones! We never have to worry about stealing the other's covers, and it works great for us!

      Delete
    2. You can also try bigger sheets/blankets. If you've got a Queen, get a King top sheet/comforter. Sometimes those extra 16 inches are enough to let him steal blankets, and still leave you with enough.

      Delete
    3. I was just going to add that! We have used our own blankets in the past so my husband can swaddle himself up to his delight and I get to keep my one leg out while still keeping my shoulders covered. Marrying different sleep habits is SO hard!

      Delete
    4. We do the same. We have the same fitted sheet, but our own top sheets and blankets. It works wonders (I'm the sleep stealer and mover in our house).

      Delete
    5. In the winter we have one BIG blanket over the two of us and I use a smaller one under that on my side just in case the hubs pulls the blankets. I will say though, for about 3 months I would wake up my husband by yanking the sheets/blankets back every night- he's definitely not as bad as he used to be!

      Separate blankets are a winner, though!

      Delete
    6. Since we got a King size comforter for our Queen mattress my husband has not once complained about my blanket thieving (which he teased me about for years). We didn't get a king sheet, just a deep pocket set and those seem to have completely solved the problem. One other thing though - I was diagnosed with sleep apnea recently and now, using a CPAP I sleep WAY better and toss a whole lot less. (Might be something to keep in mind.)

      Delete
  2. I also have a 2 year old that does the same. We have curved this behavior by not responding. If he starts his tantrum, we say: "Brady it is fine that you are angry. When you are done we will talk." At first, I didn't think it would work but, slowly he is coming around. Now on question 2, we have separate blankets. But, I am guilty! I am the bed hog!! 3rd question...hmmm...run a 5k.

    ReplyDelete
  3. there was an interesting story on NPR a couple weeks ago about tantrums and the importance of ignoring them:

    http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/12/05/143062378/whats-behind-a-temper-tantrum-scientists-deconstruct-the-screams

    ReplyDelete
  4. Separate blankets are definately key to a happy sleep. My husband goes to bed much later than I do, separate blankets keep us from disturbing each other, even in a small bed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. About #1, I try to calm my toddler down by talking to her about why she is upset, and letting her know that what she feels is valid. Kids get upset sometimes because they can't express themselves yet. But she also does not usually get very violent. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  6. HI Laurie!!! We have a toddler who did the same thing. It was not often ,but when she threw one of her fits- LOOK OUT!!!! People may not agree with me, but we honestly would just have to carry to her room {all the while she would be hitting us} and shut the door and walk away. Nothing we would do would work while she was in that state so we would all need to take a breather. Leave her in her room for about 10 minutes until she calmed down and then we would talk when she was over her fit. I know this is not only NOT fun but my husband and I would just be lost sometimes, I would cry, he would get mad. Its hard but I think the best thing to do is ignore it and not feed into it. You want to throw a tantrum- do it by yourself without an audience and then we will talk when you can handle it. Good luck!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ditto on this one, my older daughter would occasionally throw violent tantrums when she was younger that we would be afraid of her harming herself or others so we'd carry her to her room and leave her alone in there until she calmed down (sometimes this involved holding the handle on the outside.) She didn't exactly throw tantrums at the drop of a hat but they were crazy!
      Once she calmed down we'd talk about it... now she's four, and if she's upset she runs to her room to be by herself and sometimes still throw a bit of a fit, and then she asks me to come and talk to her and we talk it out.
      My younger daughter is quite different, she's much quicker to anger but she shrieks once or twice, maybe flails, and she's done. Easy and even kind of funny sometimes. (which I'd never have described my older daughter's tantrums as!) But I have a feeling the older one will be the easier teen to deal with! :)

      Delete
    2. I also had one that would do this. They do it to get your attention and to push your buttons. If you walkout of the room and ignore her, she will learn that behavior doesn't work. Always let her know that she can talk about it when she is calm.

      Delete
    3. I've learned from my two boys to communicate properly, be reasonable in my expectations, and to use humor and other tactics to avert anger when it does flare up. In communicating it is important to PREPARE your child for change in advance to that change. A toddler can't handle being told they are leaving just seconds before it's time to go. The transition might be easy for you but you already know your plans - they don't unless you tell them. Communicating also means learning what things are bothering your child. My son threw a fit every time we went to the gym. After weeks of communicating with him about it - I found the answer: little brother got pushed in the kids club and it was no longer fun to go because he was always worried. I could have given up and just not gone, but I stuck with it and finally got the answer. Also remember that even when your toddler is good most of the time they are still little. They do not understand manners, social do's and don'ts and all that. You have to slowly, and patiently, teach them. Lastly when there are flare-ups work hard to help them through it. Maybe it's a special song, maybe it's a a silly action or maybe it's just you stopping and taking the time to figure out what's really wrong. I sometimes make my boys scream in a pillow if they're angry and it always ends up in peals of laughter. Other times I just stop everything and sit down with them, read a book, or talk and we can all calm down. Have fun coming up with solutions and make it a game! Children have such amazing minds - don't take it for granted.

      Delete
  7. If you want to try a single blanket/sheet solution, try sizing up your top sheet & comforter. King sized blankets are 18 - 24 inches wider than their queen counterparts. They are significantly more expensive though. (The 2 blanket solution is less pretty, but highly effective. My husband even stopped stealing sheets because he missed being able to cuddle - we are back to just a queen sized quilt in a king sized bed.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was also going to suggest King sized blankets on a queen sized bed too. The extra inches let everyone "hog" the blankets!!

      Delete
  8. 2) Separate Covers, Same bed - I do this in winters :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Laurie: My son does this exact same thing. He is also 2.5 We have just started telling him that he is not allowed to have temper tantrums in the family area. If he wants to act rude and have an attitude he has to go in his room. It gives him time to cool off by himself. There is no one around for him to kick and hit. This seems to have really worked for us. We are at the point now where we can just point down the hallway and he goes and he knows what to do. After 2 minutes we always go back and talk to him about what to do with angry feelings. I don't think the behavior is going to be eradicated until he is a little more mature, but this is what works for us at the moment. Hope that helps!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I agree with everyone, Seperate blankets are the way to go. My husband and I have been married for 30 years, and from day one, we have used seperate blankets. He likes to cacoon himself in his blankets, so that was our best solution. Works great, heck we're still married!! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  11. #2 - I agree with separate blankets. We each have twin size comforters. It isn't as pretty, but works well. Hubby flops around a lot and wakes me sup so we also have separate twin sized bed side by side. Since they are the same height it doesn't interfere with cuddling, but I don't feel the midnight flopping.

    #1 - My kids went through this briefly but not so bad. I'd carry them to their bed and leave them there until they calmed down. I'd tell them they were hurting my ears and they could come out then they were ready to be happy again.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for all the tips on my toddler so far. :) When we are home I will try to ignore it and put her in her room. Any suggestions on what to do if it happens outside the home?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I work as a nanny and know those public tantrums are so frustrating! Whenever I take a kiddo somewhere, I always scope out the nearest bathroom or an out of the way nook. Whenever tantrums strike, I escort them to that space and then just stand there. Tell them this is where the tantrums are thrown because they were disturbing other people. Usually I try to catch them early on. For instance, I know tantrums get thrown when certain kids are overstimulated like at the zoo or children's museum. We take little snack and drink breaks and chat every hour or so just so they can decompress before the next activity. IF they're tired, we try to move on to a quieter activity and slowly make out the door. When all else fails, just smile, pick up the booger, and go. Most likely everyone has been there and will understand, and those who don't will only have to deal for a few seconds and then you're gone! :)

      Delete
    2. I have a 2.5 year old as well. We just immediately leave somewhere (not convenient, but it can't last forever like this, right? RIGHT?!) I find that now all I have to do is threaten to leave and he KNOWS we'll do it and the tantrum stops immediately. Make sure you take the time to talk to her after and validate her frustrations and discuss ways she can share them without hitting/kicking/etc. I'm sure you do that, but I know I'm usually so frazzled by that sort of thing that my head's not on straight and later I think, "crap! I should have done... xyz."

      Good luck!

      Delete
    3. My philosophy on parenting has always been entirely about vigilance by the parent so that the fit/poor behavior or action never happens. A really good book is "How to Behave so Your Children Will Too" Kids always give warning signs that a fit is about to happen, or that they are getting frustrated, and if you can talk them down or redirect them before they get upset, you get to praise them for good behavior, rather then punish them for bad.

      If you see them reaching for the cereal box on the breakfast table, walk over and say "what are you trying to do? Can you use your words to ask for things rather then trying to take it yourself?" if they aren't supposed to be having any cereal right now, thank them for trying to "help" you put things away, tell them they are a great helper, and ask them to help you sweep or something redirecting them from being angry about what they didn't just get.

      I have a very stubborn daughter that given the chance would dig in when told no, so we rarely tell her no so much as "we aren't doing that right now, so lets do this instead because you are being such a good girl" that action reinforces that she is good, and she wants to keep on being good so she complies.

      The hitting issue can be taken care of the same way, if you see them getting ready to hit, tell them you love it when they use their words instead of hitting, it makes you feel proud that they are dealing with things the right way. (we have never baby talked to our kids, and we always talk to them like they are capable of being reasonable, and they have never disappointed us, my son is now 11 and has never had a fit, and my daughter is 9 and had one when she was 4 because she was exhausted, and she was so surprised at herself, she has never had one since!)

      It can be very tiring constantly watching and being one step ahead of them, but boy is it worth it in the long run as they really do learn to use the tools you are reinforcing, and it eventually never even occurs to them to get that frustrated.

      Delete
    4. My now 10 year old threw terrible fits when he was 2. So bad, that he broke a window and threw a chair at me, on separate occasions. I tried speaking to him calmly, showing affection, time outs, etc, to no avail. Finally I learned to just let him at it, in his own room and ignore it. He would scream for awhile, then come out as if nothing ever happened. There were times when he'd throw a fit in the grocery store and I'd carry him kicking and screaming outside, leaving the full cart of groceries in the aisle. That worked after a few times because he realized he wasn't getting any snacks then. Luckily, they grow out of it, and then you're on to the next issue. :)

      Delete
    5. Hi, Laurie!
      I have a (now) three-year-old child who was throwing fits and tantrums CONSTANTLY. It was so frustrating for me and I tried EVERYTHING I could think of, and then I heard about this book called Love and Logic. It has helped us sooooooo much in understanding how to really be able to help my children and know what to do during meltdowns, whining, grocery store fits, etc. I cannot even tell you what a tremendous difference it has made for me as a mother and for my children! I feel so much more relaxed, I have energy at the end of the day, and I actually think parenting is really fun again! Anyway, I just thought I'd throw that suggestion out there, because it has literally changed my life and my whole parenting style. The techniques are easy, they are logical (to me anyway), and they have really worked. Good luck!!

      Delete
  13. Sounds like everyone already said what I was thinking for #1 and #2. My husband and I got a king size bed and separate blankets as well. Now we just need to work on his snoring :)

    As for #3... I have never taken dance lessons and still dream about it. Also, I want to learn how to play the ukulele. It's random considering I don't even play the guitar (I played woodwinds when I was younger).

    ReplyDelete
  14. Agree with everyone about #1. The more you try, the more attention she gets, and the cycle continues. When my son was that age, I placed him on the floor in a different room for him to pitch his fit there, and without an audience or anyone to pitch the fit for, it would stop. Then I would talk to him about it after that.

    About #2, we used to have a standard coil spring mattress, but 9 years ago bought a new latex mattress. It it truly the best ever!!!!! There are no springs, so the motion is not transferred from one side to the other. I forget how great it is until we visit a hotel and then I remember how much I hate coil spring mattresses, and how I can feel all the movement from my husband's side. They are not the cheapest, but they are terrific. maybe for date night you could visit a mattress store and try one out :) I also have my own blankets! Any a bed warmer mattress pad...and a latex pillow--I love my bed!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think everyone has answered #1 pretty well, but you just asked in the comments about when you are not home. I'd say to not be afraid to put her in time out. Sure it probably won't be in a room all to herself, but it still sends the same message. When my boys act up at the park or somewhere else, If I can, I will put them in time out and it helps to refocus them. If it's too much to control, you could always leave the situation. I remember reading an article one time where a woman was out grocery shopping and her child became out of control, so she just picked up her child, her bag and left. I also am remembering another story where they were at the grocery store and the child started to throw a tantrum and they just ignored her and moved to the next isle anyways because they could still hear her and once the child realized the mom was gone, they stopped the tantrum and caught up. I think when you find a solution at home, it will be easier to correct the fits when you are running errands and hanging out with friends.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My oldest still tantrums like that occasionally at 7. I tried everything but I've learned ignoring works best, by way of putting him in his room (often by picking him up and putting him there, and in the past holding it closed). In public, I would take him outside, to the car, or to a room if its someone's house. I've had to leave in the middle of shopping but I was way less frustrated than I would have been if he continued! I just breathe and tell myself as a strong willed as he is he will have a successful life doing whatever he wants to do.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Michelle- my husband and I both have our own blankets, because I used to steal the covers!

    ReplyDelete
  18. i only have a number 3...learn to play the piano. i've always wanted too...and i put my daughter in it now and i'm trying to piggy back and learn what she learns!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. For Question #1, I highly recommend the book "Raising your Sprited Child." It was a game changer and life saver for me and my girl. I was skeptical about it at first, but I read through the whole thing and I am a believer. Age 3 was harder even than 2 for us, so give it some good consideration! I have a friend of another spirited child and she would heartily concur that it makes a world of difference. Sometimes we need more than a new perspective on time out to help understand where our kiddos are coming from. Good luck and I hope it helps!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the book suggestion. I will have to see if I can get it or maybe my library carries it. :)

      Delete
    2. You can get it on half.com, and I recommend owning it so you can re-read it as you need, that's what my friend and I are doing!

      Delete
  20. about tantrums out of the house, a time out in the grocery store aisle, or completely removing her from the situation (out of the store, or into the bathroom...) might help. i know when my 20 month old kicks off, changing the setting interrupts his fit sometimes long enough to have a chat about it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. For Q#1 I agree, ignoring any negative behavior is best just as long as the child or anyone else are not in danger. The flip side though is to reward positive behaviors and choices and do it often! Make sure your rewards range from social rewards (i.e 'wow, i love how you are helping mommy') to tangible rewards (i.e. give a toy, sticker, hug) to edible (piece of candy, chip, fish cracker-a special treat). This way they don't satiate on any given 'reward' type.

    Also, breathing techniques and such can work but they need to be taught first and you do that when they are calm. Trying to reason with a child who is upset will generally only escalate the behavior and ultimately is seen as a reward to them anyway because they have your attention.

    One of the best calming techniques I've used (worked in spec ed for 8 years and have a 2 y/o myself!) is a relaxation therapy...this therapy will help relax and retrain the nervous system. Make it a ritual, get lotion, massage her arms, legs, feet...Figure out what she likes. Start with her arms... Massage downward (or upward towards the heart), saying relax 1, relax 2, relax 3... Count like this to 10 and do it again. She will zone in on the counting, because she knows counting, it's predictable, it's a routine, and she will start counting, and get relaxed with the massage. Repeat this several times every night. Now after doing this at home for a week or so and you see her tapping into you, test it when you are in public. When she's acting up in public, don't put your hands on her, just start counting relax 1, relax 2, relax 3... She will tap into to you!!

    Using the First/Then mantra also is great when the function of the behavior is control (wants her way). 'First eat your peas, Then you can have a cookie' or 'First you need to ride in the stroller, Then you can walk' or 'First lets read a book, Then you can watch TV'. The 'First' is what you want and the 'Then' is what she wants (considering it's reasonable). Once she understands the contingency of this, then using it in public to divert a tantrum can become key!

    Q#3 Rock the stage with song and dance...of course I can't do either so that dream will be just that, a dream!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, those are great ideas! Thank you so much.

      Delete
  22. #1... I read somewhere that one mom actually threw herself on the ground when her child flipped out and had her own screaming tantrum -- it shocked her child into stopping pretty quick! lol
    #2.... get bigger sheets and blankets. I am in the procees of making a duvet cover for a king size duvet on our queen sized bed -- we will also get king top sheets -- we both like to hog the blankets and there is never enough!
    #3.... I am planning on running my first half marathon in the fall, and there are so many other things I would love to do. Start an etsy shop, learn to build things with power tools, and so many crafty things! Learn to play the piano... my bucket list is very long!

    ReplyDelete
  23. For Laurie: My son used to be quite the tantrum thrower, but whenever he would throw a tantrum (and we were home), we would leave the room and he would stop. I realized he was throwing things for my benefit. Probably making your daughter go to her room would have the same effect. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  24. My parents took in foster children for about 25 years. One day, she laid on the floor and kicked and screamed the way the child was. He didn't throw another tantrum again. The rest of us ran to our rooms and laughed and giggled. We still remember that occasion and I have used this method on my own children. It works! Time outs in their bedroom works too.

    ReplyDelete
  25. #1--My daughter was the type who would harm herself and others while throwing a tantrum. Even if we left her alone she'd destroy things in her room and hit her head on the floor, etc. It was quite discouraging. At one point my husband took her to the bathroom and held her in a cold shower for a few seconds. I tell you what. Her tantrum stopped almost immediately. Then as she sat there whimpering and shivering we helped her dry off/get dressed/warmed up all the while discussing why her behavior 'earned her' the consequence and that we still loved her and wanted her to act better next time. While it probably sounds extreme to some, It changed our lives. She's now 5 and hasn't thrown a fit for years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We use this technique with our toddlers too, but only in response to violence (hitting others, harming themselves). And when I say cold shower, I mean just above room temperature. From the shower head to the little body in the shower, the water cools down a little, just enough to be "shocking" but not ice cold. This tip will also work when your kids are teenagers (did I mention I have 3 teens and 2 toddlers?). Nothing more motivating than a cold cup of water dumped on you first thing in the morning!! We, my husband and I, have a standing rule- we do not repeat ourselves. If we say it's time to get up, we mean NOW, and when we come back in, we always have a glass of water with us.

      Delete
    2. I would never have thought to do that. Thanks!

      Delete
    3. We have also done showers, it works great. We did warm ones though. When putting them in their rooms didn't work, because they wouldn't stay or started to pull things off the walls and throw them, then we would use the shower. Throw them in clothes and all. It is a lot more work than just putting them in their room but effective. My now six year old can get sent to the shower. She undresses and starts it herself and isn't allowed to come out until she is calmed down. The warm water seems to sooth her and she comes out happy. My 2 year old boy hates showers and he comes out in tears, but sad tears, tantrum is over and he is ready to be nice again.

      Delete
  26. #1- my son behaved this way when he was this age, here's what I did that helped. There was an imediate time out fo this. When we would leave somewhere he wasn't ready to leave he would punch me in the face. When nothing seemed to work out in public I told him if he hit me while I held him, I could risk dropping him and hurting him. He began to do it one day and I happened to be over a soft surface where I knew he wouldn't get hurt, so I dropped him. It sounds horrible, he didn't get hurt at all, but it scared him enough to make him stop. We then began lots of dialouge about hitting and hurting others and how it was not okay. We also set clear consequences if it were to happen. It took time, but once he got it, it was nice to be over it. With throwing the toys, any toy he throws immeadiately goes in time out and cannot be had until the next day. We would have a bin full of toys in time out. Most of the time it was one of his favorite toys.

    #2 We have that problem, except I'm the one who steals the covers :) My husband sleeps with a seperate blanket on his side. I've heard of couples who have two matching full sets of bedding and they make the bed that way so each person has their own covers.

    ReplyDelete
  27. #1 -- The most effective thing we've found, regarding fits, is to remove them to their rooms. We then explain to them that we will not be able to hear and talk to them until they have control and have calmed down.

    The hugest heart issue is her lack of self control/anger. It's okay to feel anger, but it is NOT okay to express it that way. When she learns that she isn't being heard/seen by throwing things, she will try a new way to get what she wants. Dialogue can happen after she's calmed herself down. I hope I"m explaining it well enough. We battle with fits from one of my daughters more than the other 2, and have found this to be an awesome method of handling it. You will be amazed how you have to start by carrying her to her room and hold her door shut, and then a couple of weeks later she'll calm down on the spot or only a few seconds after she enters the threshold into her room!

    Hang in there, mama!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I've taught 2 and 3 year olds in a private pre-school for 13 years. Just the other night I attended a seminar by the author of the book, "1-2-3 Magic". Great advice on discipline and stopping the bad behavior you don't want (especially tantrums) and encouraging the good behavior that you do want. I wish I would have known about it when my 6 kids were younger!

    ReplyDelete
  29. #2- Get 2 separate blankets. I am the sheet hog when sharing the bed with my husband and we just got a separate sheet. I use one when I got to bed and he uses one when we go to bed. Buying a separate bed is not necessary. You use 2 different pillows, why not 2 different sheets? Works like a charm!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Having separate beds is not the most horrible thing in a marriage. Sleep is a fundamental need for a human to function properly, to ensure you are at your best physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If this is a nightly interruption and affects your day to day ability to stay awake, separate beds may just be your answer. Think about it- after a week of you both sleeping like babies, all the way through the night without any interruption, imagine how much better you will feel!! Having separate beds does not equal divorce/no sex life/insert whatever concern you have here.

    ReplyDelete
  31. #3 Go on a cruise. Hopefully at Thanksgiving time this year.

    ReplyDelete
  32. #3. Go to Paris or Italy.

    Someday I will :)

    Last year at the age of 44 and not having high cholestrol or high blood pressure I had two heart attacks. The doctor said that usually they find what happened to me upon autopsy. Since then I have prioritized my life. I do what I want, buy what I want and say NO a lot more often to people who usually expect me to always chip in!

    ReplyDelete
  33. 1-I'll be honest, when I was that age, I was that child. It won't get better until you do something. And that said, different things work on different kids and different ages. Spanking worked on my brother (Oh no! My parents spanked me. We lived and got over it. I hated it then but appreciate it now.) If that doesn't work, they went on to other things. They tried time outs but it didn't work on me. I think they tried ignoring me and that too didn't work. (I was a very tenacious and "spirited" child.)

    FOR AN OLDER CHILD: Eventually I got old enough that they took out all the toys in my room except 1 book and 1 toy and I had to earn everything back. If I was good, I got a toy and a book at the end of the day. If I wasn't, I didn't. If I was REALLY bad, it all went back in except 1 toy and book. That happened once for me to learn my lesson. It took a while but I earned everything back.

    Also, my parents had me do laps on the stairs. Up and down was one lap. This worked through teenager-dom for different problems. Originally it was anger and frustration. Later it became "if you arrive after you told us, you do 2 laps per minute." (If a few minutes late, it's not bad. But if it's 30...well, we learned not to be late without calling and with a good reason.)

    I know I may not be much help with your 2 year old but maybe I've helped someone with older kids. As a side note, your kids need to learn to respect you now. I learned to respect my parents and that they did everything for my gain and once I got out of that phase, I didn't rebel. I was a (relatively good) teenager. We had the occasional issues but I didn't drink or smoke pot, I didn't go out and have sex, I did my schoolwork, etc... I learned to respect them and that they did what they did to help me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She laughs at time outs. She will throw something and go put herself in time out and not care. Lol. She's a pip! I like the idea of earning the toys back. I'll have to try that one. :)

      Delete
    2. Oh, I did too. We had an old Victorian chair that was the "time out" chair. It started getting these little marks in it. One time, my mom discussed with my dad about the dents in the chair because she had no idea where they were coming from. 2 year old me walked by and quietly said, "Maybe a spoon did it, Mommy..." I had hidden a spoon in the seam of the chair and during time outs, I'd bang on the chair. I was and still am a very smart child but I put my parents through a lot for years.

      Honestly, most punishments are very age driven and knowing your kid. My friend was punished best by just her parents disappointment with her. Spanking worked with my brother until we were too old for spanking. Then we had toys and privileges taken away. Basically, they tried different things until something worked. There's a book by James Dobson that mentioned the toys thing. It may not work well on a 2.5 year old but it would probably work on an older kid.

      Someone said that if your kid has a temper fit in public and a crowd is gathering, instead of giving in to the child, try standing back in the crowd and ignoring the fit. "Oh, that poor parent..." Basically, don't give in. It's hard but it'll be worth it.

      Delete
    3. Another thing that may work for an older child is to record the fit and make them watch it. My parents have a video somewhere of me throwing a fit and them recording it and I'm running under the table yelling "NO! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" I hated having to hear myself throw a fit! It worked well because it punished me but my parents got to laugh at something later.

      Delete
  34. On Question 2, I say get your own blankets. My husband burns up and I freeze so I always have my own blankets.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I don't have any toddler tips...I'll be tuning in for that one! :)

    My husband is a cover hog, too so I have a blanket that is only mine. I love to snuggle and cover myself up with blankets, so mine is a queen size blanket that I only cover myself in and don't let it touch him. I always have some of my own covers now! :) Hope you find something that works!

    Travel. I would love to go to England, Egypt (all that old stuff just boggles my mind!) and Isreal (it would be so incredible to walk where Jesus did).

    ReplyDelete
  36. 1. My now 3 year old is the same way. I put him in his room and tell him when he is ready to be nice he can come out. Then I lock the door (yes, we installed the doorknob to lock from outside the room) and walk away so that I can cool off. At first it took awhile for him to calm down (and occasionally still does) but most of the time after 1-2 minutes he calms down and tells me he is ready to come out and be nice. Works for us.

    ReplyDelete
  37. 1. My 3 year old went through a phase where he was very angry and took it out in destructive ways. One bizarre thing that I did (when I was at my wits end) was copy him. I know, I know, it sounds horrible. But it always makes his dad laugh. So it was my last resort. And it worked! When I copied him, he thought it was hilarious, he tried not to laugh but just couldn't help himself and soon he forgot that he was ever angry. No guarantee it will work for your daughter, but hey, anything is worth a try! Best of luck, hopefully this phase will pass soon.

    2. Get a king size comforter? I've known couples who go to bed together, but have a spare room across the hall. If one starts snoring too loud or whatever to keep the other awake, they just go across the hall for the night. So if you fall asleep, then no problem, but if he zonks out and you can't, just take some space. I think the big thing is going to bed together so you have time to snuggle or do anything else you want to. But if he's already asleep and is actually making your sleep worse, not more enjoyable, why do you need to be there?

    3.Go to New Zealand! :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. #2- When we went to visit my husband's family in Germany the beds have two twin comforters. It was HEAVEN since my guy makes himself into a burrito at night, and I was left freezing. I quickly adopted the two covers bed making at home. It isn't as pretty, but you can just say it's very European...lol.

    #3- Milk a goat

    ReplyDelete
  39. #1 I have a 24 month old little girl that reminds me of your daughter and I just listened to this program (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID={D90864D9-EE84-45C9-83BD-6438D293F001} ) It is from focus on the family and the title is Surviving the Strong-Willed Child (there are two parts). I have, for a while now, recognized that my parenting style has to change in order to meet the needs of my daughter and to draw out of her all of the potential that her personality has to offer. I have been searching and someone mentioned the above program to me and it is amazing! Maybe it will help you. I'm getting the book. My husband is a strong-willed individual but I don't have to parent him so we usually get on well. Parenting someone that has a completely opposite personality type than me is very difficult (though I do love her for it).

    ReplyDelete
  40. #1 - I'm taking a Positive Discipline class right now (been once). Really opening my eyes into how we feed into each other as parents & children. The course is based on a book of the same name and it has a less to do with discipline and more to do with interaction and communication. Worth a look....
    #2 - I have a similar problem. I bought king size top sheet, blankets and coverlet.
    #3 - paragliding. I'm so chicken, but I have dreams about it.

    ReplyDelete
  41. 1. As my MIL says all the time: "This too shall pass." Sounds like she is going through a phase. She is learning how to deal with her emotions which can often get overwhelming. Putting her in a safe place until she can calm down can do wonders. It will take a lot of time, a lot of tantrums, but I promise. This too shall pass. It's true. My oldest is such a well behaved kid. He has his moments still but he has come a looooong way from full roll on the floor tantrums that would clock in at up to 2 hours when he was about your daughters age. He just need patience from us, consistency, and...time to learn and grow. It sounds like you are trying to give her good tools to help her deal with her emotions. Those take time to learn especially when you are so new to life, so...my advice. Give her time. :)

    2. Uhh...sorry. I wish I had better advice. :) We had the same problem and had a few sheet wars until we just got used to not stealing the sheets from each other. We've been married 9 years and it took about half that time to get in the habit of not sheet stealing. You could also just let him take the sheets and bring your own super soft blanket to bed with you.

    3. I want to discover Europe with my husband...and possibly my kids when they get older. But that's a loooooong way off.

    So my other one is that I've always wanted to learn to the play the piano. I'm very slowly learning easy hymn by easy hymn right now. :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. suggestion for question 2. YOu could do as finnish people, they sleep in the same bed but each of them have their own quilt.

    ReplyDelete
  43. 1. Every kid is different, so my advice may not be applicable. Your child is also very young and sometimes when I try to solve a problem (my girls screamed) it resolves itself over a passage of time. Give her space to have the tantrum and completely ignore it. When she's done talk to her on terms she can understand about how that is a no-no. At our house there is severe and immediate discipline any time someone tries to hurt someone else (go down on eye level. Hold her hands so she can't hurt you. Look in the eye and say solid, but firm, No.
    2. Get a king-size quilt on your queen bed. Dress in warm jammies. Talk to your sweetie about it.
    3. Run a marathon or triathlon.

    ReplyDelete
  44. 1. I was just reading to get ideas for my stubborn 2.5yo son's general aggressiveness but, thought I should chime in to encourage you also. My son is just a rough and tumble little boy with who lashes out a little when frustrated but, I would not call them tantrums. His older sister though, had violent, destructive, many hour long tantrums from about 18 months to almost 4 years old. They were terrifying to new parents. We tried everything we could think of to no avail and we really had to be careful because she could even get you to hurt her if you weren't careful. In the end we to just had to carry her to her room (often holding down her arms so she would not claw you) and hold the door shut while she rode through the wave of anger and regained her senses. I know this sounds terrible, as I mom I felt horrid! We discovered that anything we did until she was calm only prolonged the tantrum. it was like a roller coaster you had to wait until the ride was over before you could really step in. Once she was through the fit though, she was remorseful, loving, and willing to talk things through. Here's the good part: eventually things calmed down to only having fits when she was waaaay over tired and then finally they stopped all together. She is now a sweet, gentle and loving almost 6 year old that everyone considers a joy to be around. It does pass, she will get over it, just do your best to contain it when the fit occurs then, work on giving her the tools she needs for the future. Thanks so much for asking the question, reading everyone's responses has been great!

    ReplyDelete
  45. i don't have kids yet, but have you seen the super nanny show on TLC? maybe try a time out chair like she does.

    As far as the bed goes, get king sized blankets and top sheets, we also have a queen but everything else is king sized so we both have enough covers.

    ReplyDelete
  46. question #1. check out the love and logic parenting books. My oldest had horrid melt downs from about 2-5 and this was the only thing that saved my sanity.
    question #3. make a quilt but it is so time intensive that it is daunting.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I agree with the separate blankets. This has worked wonders for my hubby and I. The poor guy would wake up freezing each night because I would steal the covers. LOL Now with separate blankets we are happier. Although I can't comment on your hubby moving a lot except to say, Don't get a waterbed! LOL

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for leaving a comment! If you are asking a question and you do NOT have your profile linked to your email address, I will respond in the comment section, so just come back to check it later. Thanks!

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails